The Whitest Rose Turned Red
by I'm sorry but no
Summary: When Kaname finds Yukki doing something terrible, what will happen?
1. Chapter 1

**ATTENTION!- I DO NOT OWN THE CHARECTORS OF THIS STORY OR SHOW! There would have been some major changed in the story line if I did. Plus I would have made the show much longer.**

He always managed to make me want to kiss him. Everywhere we went; every time I saw him all I wanted to do was run up to him and kiss him.

What is it about him that I crave? Why am I the one that has to suffer every time I see him? Yes he does acknowledge that I am there but not in the way that I want him to see me. He shows me that he is grateful I am there for him but he does not seem to share the same feelings that I do.

I sighed; he will never like me like that. I rubbed my hand over my arm. I felt so many bumps. At one time I used to cut myself to relieve some of the feelings of rejection that I had but now I know I would just tempt him if I cut myself.

He always knew when I was going to cut, or even worse was when he would show up a moment after I had done the deed, his eyes full of longing for the red liquid dripping from my arm.

I had to stop though, he would always find out when I had cut myself and all he would do was hold me and we would both cry, him from feeling like he wasn't protecting me and I from seeing him in so much pain. But right now I couldn't help it.

I went into the bathroom of my small dorm room that I shared with my best friend and found what I needed. I took out the small makeup bag that I kept behind the cleaning products under the sink. Inside the little blue bag was all I needed to make sure I was doing my cutting safely. There was a small, sharp pocket knife to do the deed, a cigarette lighter to sanitize my blade, some bandages and finally a small package of sanitizing wipes to clean up with afterwards. Everything I needed, and everything I wanted, all in one place.

I took out the lighter and heated the blade, being careful to get every part of the blade before I used it. I rolled up my sleeve and started to cut. One… Two… Three… Four… Five… _God that feels good_… Six... Seven… Eight… Nine… Ten…

_That should be good for now,_ I thought as I watched my arm become engulfed in red, seeing my lifeblood falling onto the white porcelain sink and finally down the drain. My life was going down the drain, literally.

I stood there until all my cuts began to slow down, finally they all but stopped. I wrapped them to the best of my ability and cleaned up the sink, watching the water take my blood away. Finally I took the wipes and cleaned my blade and the sink, threw the wipes in the toilet and flushed, watching all evidence of my cruelty wash away.

I put my black jacket back on over my clean- pressed white shirt and put the white band of authority back onto my arm. Time to go back to business, the night class students will be coming out for their lessons soon so I had better get a move on, otherwise I would leave Zero all alone to deal with all those crazy girls.

Leaving the bathroom I could sense I wasn't alone in my room. I sighed and looked up to see the most beautiful creature sitting on my bed, a vision in white. He looked sad and disappointed to say the least. He looked up at my eyes and I looked away for I didn't want to see the look in his eyes. I know better than to do that to him.

"Kaname," I said feeling more shameful than I would normally have felt. He always showed up at the wrong times.

He got up and walked over to where I stood, frozen in his presence. He was within 3 feet of me when he stopped and looked at me, straight in the eyes. His eyes told me the entire story, they always did, and he was disappointed with me and himself for allowing me to do such a thing.

My heart began to beat faster as he took every step towards me. I have to calm down, I thought remembering the cuts on my arm, or the blood will seep through and cause him even more pain, my thought continued tried to regain composure, but that was not going to happen.

Kaname reached out to me and caught my good arm. He was careful though, he knew what I had done to myself but he did not know which side I had done, but he was still pretty good at guessing, only once had he guessed wrong and caught my bad arm.

He took my hand into his and pulled me close into a hug, he loved to hug me, and I loved the hugs he gave me. They were always full of comfort and love, which very few people could replicate.

Finally after a while he released me and picked me up into his arms, leading me into the bathroom. Careful so as not to knock me into the walls of the bathroom he brought me in and sat me down on the edge of the counter. He then put the lid down on the toilet and sat me down, placing himself on the floor to look up at me.

He said not a word, but left the bathroom and into my nightstand, he rummaged around for a minute and finally found what he was looking for, my first aid kit that I jammed into the back. He brought the little red zippered case back to me and sat down on the floor. He opened the bag and looked at it for a moment, making sure he had everything he would need.

After making sure he had everything he nodded to himself and carefully reached up to touch my face. He touched very lightly and then he took his other had and unbuttoned the first button of my jacket, I let him. There was no stopping him when he had something to fix.

He slowly unbuttoned all 6 buttons and gently removed my left arm and then my damages right arm out of the jacket. He laid the jacket down on the side of the tub and then moved on to unbutton the sleeve of my white button- down shirt. He rolled up the sleeve as carefully as he could, for fear of having the delicate cloth touch my inquires.

He took one look at my arm and sighed; he then undid my poor wrappings and gently turned my arm to see the real damage. Ten long, thin cuts ran up and down my arm. I couldn't look at him as he rummaged around the first aid kit until he found the antiseptic cream. He took a large dollop of the medicine and rubbed it gently into my skin. I winched as he touched the cuts, but he needed to make sure they would be clean and heal properly.

Once the major part of the pain was done he took out a roll of gauze and wrapped my arm properly, giving it enough room to move without it rubbing too hard on my arm. He secured the end and rested my arm on my knee.

Without a word he cleaned up and threw away all the used bandages, he picked me up and then placed me on my bed. He sat down next to me and then we just sat there. Finally he broke the silence that threatened to engulf us, "Yukki, why? Why did you have to do this again?" he was crying as he said these words, he whipped at his eyes and continued "why?"

I was crying but I had to tell him, I have to tell him, he needs to know that…. "I'm so sorry Kaname," I said tears rolling down my face and landing on my upper thigh. "I have been feeling so alone and unwanted lately that I had to do it to relieve the thoughts swirling in my head." I was crying into his shoulder, his white jacket becoming soaked at the shoulder as my tears penetrated the fabric. I couldn't stop crying, there was just too much to cry about.

We sat there for a while, just crying, it felt good to let everything go and letting him know how I feel. "I'm sorry-" I was cut off as his soft lips met mine and we kissed.

It was soft and gentle at first, and then it became gentle and caressing as his lips rolled around my face and neck, lingering at my neck. He kissed the two small puncture wounds where he had drunk from earlier in the week, and then they returned to my lips, more urgent this time. He rolled his tongue over my lips and lightly bit down on the top lip. He didn't bite hard and defiantly didn't puncture the skin. We kissed for a long time, tongues savoring the taste of each other and letting the emotions course through our bodies.

If you can imagine a spoonful of sugar and maple syrup put together in a deliciously sweet substance, you can imagine the taste of Kaname. Even after he finished drinking from me he still tasted like sugar, never of blood.

We kept kissing for a long time and then he started to pull back, I couldn't let this kiss end so I moved closer to him. He moved back a little more and I followed, finally he move back so far he was laying on the bed and I was on top of him now.

Now he just stopped kissing me altogether, I sighed and gave up, moving away from his face a little bit, letting my long hair fall around our faces like a curtain of brown. I lay me head down on his chest as we caught out breath. I could feel his chest rising gently up and down as he breathed and I could hear his pulse racing and finally slowing down as time passed by.

I looked out the window across from where we were laying and saw that the sun had long since set and my roommate was probably still down at dinner or studying with some friends. Good, I didn't want anything to ruin my mood.

Taking my head in his hand, Kaname slowly sat up and lay my head down in his lap, we sat like that for a little while and then I too sat up.

He smiled and then he got up and went into the bathroom, and put all my tools back into the makeup bag and pocketed the bag. I wasn't surprised. He walked back over to me and kissed my forehead. Then without another word he walked over to the open window and looked back at me, then jumped out of the two story window and plummet to the ground, I heard a low thump and then he was gone, off to his lessons, I suppose.

He would come back though; there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he wouldn't come back later to take me away to his bedroom to talk about what happened today. I sighed; I wasn't going to look forward to that, whatever, what's done is done and now I will suffer the consequences of my actions.

At least Kaname will be there to help me thought this, I thought. I smiled at this thought and went to put my black jacket back on and left the dorm room. The halls were quiet and I was getting hungry now. Regretting the inevitable I walked myself down to the chairman's office and knocked twice, letting myself in. he looked up from his pile of paper work and smiled at me. I told him that I was not feeling well and asked if I could have the night off from my duties. He looked a little worried but then resented saying "don't worry, Zero has everything under control for the night, now go have something to eat and head off to bed." I smiled, he had no idea of the lie I just told, but I needed a cover and I didn't want to go on patrol tonight. I nodded and left his office.

I walked down to the cafeteria and bought myself a bowl of soup and some bread to eat. I took my tray of food to a table and sat down next to a large group of girls who were gossiping about someone named Duke from the night class, nothing unusual about that. They were all beautiful in the night class, which is to be expected, after all, they are all vampires and just had this way about them, making them irresistible to most humans. Correction, all humans.

I ate my dinner in silence, returned my plates to the kitchen and went back to the dorm, now filled with chattering students. As I went back into my dorm room I saw that my roommate wasn't there but there was a note on my bed. It was from my roommate, she said that she was going to study with a friend tonight and she was going to spend the night with her. I had no objection to this tonight, I could care less what she did tonight, I just wanted to kiss Kaname and then fall asleep in his arms, _and I'm going to do just that_, I thought.


	2. Chapter 2

It's almost 9 o'clock, that means that curfew is officially starting and if I don't get down stairs soon I will most certainly have a problem with Zero. I sighed, _he would never understand. No one ever does. _If he ever knew about what I did to myself, he would never leave me alone. As it is, Kaname will not let me be by myself after what I did today.

I got up from my spot on the bed and walked over to the door slowly, careful not to let my arm touch anything. I took a good long look at myself in the full length mirror, making sure that I properly disguised my injuries. I found my black jacket at the end of my bed and carefully pulled my arms into the soft black fabric. I pulled the white sash onto my arm and left, not even close to being ready.

I stood outside my dorm room for a few seconds and watched as tired students filled inside in groups heading to their dorm rooms. Now I had to go catch the stragglers.

I'm always trying to give the students a break and let them linger for a while but at some point they have to go back to their rooms for their own safety.

The night class is… unpredictable. That's why Zero and I have weapons. If they were better behaved he wouldn't need the Bloody Rose and I wouldn't need my Artemis, but some students will never be tamed or they refuse to learn the rules. NEVER have we needed to use the gun but I have used my Artemis before. It sends a powerful shock into the vampire of choice and they are stunned for just long enough to run away. Problem is, if you have other people with you they don't seem to understand what is happening and then they don't want to run, and of course, I always have to be there until they decide to leave.

I pushed myself forward as I realized that I was already late for duty, _great Zero is going to be so happy with me. _

I'm a little worried to go down though, I thought, if he smells the blood from my arm then he will surely ask me about it and then probably want to see it and make sure nothing had happened between Kaname and me.

Zero always hated when I offered myself to him and Kaname for a meal, Kaname didn't like it either but he has grown to understand. Zero on the other had hates that I am willing to sacrifice myself so that he can live. I wouldn't do it for anyone other than them but he is still fearful, not that I blame him for wanting to protect me. But he can be a bit, overbearing.

If he ever even discovered a small scratch from a tree branch on me he would flip out and wonder what happened. If he ever saw what I did to myself he would never leave my side and would probably find a way to make sure he was always with me.

Pushing past student is walked down the hall to the stairway and descended the 3 flights of stairs. Once on ground level I walked out of the dorm and went into the main plaza of the school. I could see one or two people heading back to their room and a few more exiting the cafeteria. They all seemed to be going in the right direction so I have no need to follow them or scold them.

I walked around the campus for a hour or so and nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. _I wonder what Kaname is doing right now?_ I thought, as I saw a few of the night students walking to their next class, chatting happily. Paying no attention to me… for now. I have to make sure that they don't get too close to me right now otherwise they will smell my injured arm. I stayed my distance as they passed by and then I continued my watch for a little while longer.

Everything was in order and everything was running smoothly, _hmmm…. I wonder where Zero is? I haven't seen him all day._

Speak of the devil, he came out from hiding behind a tree and nearly gave me a heart attack. He was always so good at hiding; _I suppose that is from all his training to be a vampire hunter that is rather ironic seeing he is a vampire._

"Z-Zero!" I said a little scarred by his closeness, "Where were you? I was alone all night!" I had to fake my anger so that he wouldn't notice that I wasn't there at all.

He wasn't even the least bit convinced, he showed no emotion but concern as he stepped out from behind the tree and came up next to me. "Yukki, you and I both know that you weren't there for your duties tonight. But you did go to see the chairman." his eyes started to glow red; he was excited at the smell of my blood, crap.

"Zero!" his eyes returned to normal but his breathing was labored as he tried to resist my blood. His eyes glowing red and then returning to normal one second after another, he was fighting with himself so that he wouldn't attack my arm for the satisfaction of the taste of my blood. "I-I-I'm sorry Zero!" I said and then I started to run away from him as fast as possible so that his temptation would subside and he would be better.

_Great, now everyone knows,_ I thought as I ran quickly away_, I wish that only Kaname knew, then everything would be okay, he always knew what to do and how to do it without hurting me, but Zero didn't and would probably yell and ask me why for hours on end. This is not how I had planned this._

As I ran I started to cry, _this can't be happening! I don't want to hurt anyone anymore!_ I've made my decision, now it's only a matter of time before I know when to do it. _I'm sorry, but I have to do this,_ I ran straight back to my dorm room, my roommate was going to sleep at her friends dorm room tonight so I had the room to myself. I rushed around the room looking for… there it is!

Zero gave this to me a few weeks ago so that if he ever became a Level E I could stop him, now I'm going to stop myself. I held the small hand gun in my hand and touched it gently, feeling the cold metal object. I always knew that I would never use this gun on Zero but up until now I never thought about using this gun at all. But now I know what I have to do to stop the pain.

I took up the small revolved and cocked the gun, no regrets. _BANG!_

_The sweet dream is not over…._


	3. Chapter 3

**Please realize that I still do not own any of these characters, even though I wish I did.**

"I-I-I'm alive?" What had happened? What went wrong? I thought it was simple, point and shoot, apparently that was not the case.

I opened the small revolver and saw where the bullets would go, but there weren't any bullets in there, the only thing there was a small piece of paper rolled up and stuffed inside.

I opened the roll and saw this message "This is for your own good. Zero won't need this but I know you want it. Please don't do this! I love you- Kaname."

I could hear people screaming outside but I didn't care all I wanted to do was cry. I could hear Zero outside the door doing some crowd control and then Kaname was climbing through the window, he was out of breath and frantic. He all but ran over to where I was and grabbed both of my hands, and took the gun from out of them. Then he pulled me into an embrace and we sat there for a long time.

I was shaking; did I really just do that? Did I really just try to kill myself? I was sobbing into his jacket and shaking. He held me there for what felt like hours.

As we sat there I could hear the screaming and the noises of the crowd begin to die down. _Crap! Wrong word to use…_ I suppose that the night class is, uh… taking care of things out there. Meaning they were whipping the memories of the people so that they would not wonder about the gun shot they had just heard.

How did he know? How could he have figured out my secret wish before I had even dared to speak it out loud? Had he seen this before?

The questions that I had started to pile up threatening to start an avalanche of chaos. Eventually spilling over and causing me to cry.

I sobbed into Kaname's jacket and I just couldn't stop crying, nothing could stop all the tears that were piled up inside me from spilling out.

Kaname just sat there holding me and rubbing my back while I let everything out. After a while the tears started to slow and my trembling started to slow as well.

I think I got everything out and now I have nothing left. I was suddenly tired and longed to sleep, to have Kaname there and fall asleep in his arms.

While I had been crying he had picked me up and positioned himself under me and held me like a child while I let everything go, now I was laying on top of him and he was holding me, his smell enveloping me and making me sleepy. There was just something about him that made me feel safe and loved no matter what I did and no matter what happened.

I sighed, _he is going to give me hell about this tomorrow, _I thought snuggling deep into his shirt,_ and Zero is going to give me even more hell than normal._

Finally with a sigh I relaxed even more in Kaname and let my mind drift off into the world of dreams and endless possibilities. I'm glad that Kaname stopped me, otherwise I wouldn't be able to lay here in his arms. _But you still tried to kill yourself!_ My voice of reason chimed in. _well I was defiantly going to get "help" tomorrow whether I wanted it or not. Head master is going to freak out when Kaname tells him what happened. Great… _

Whatever… all of my feelings of abandonment and loneliness have officially gone away now that I realized that so many people care about me. Kaname, head master, Zero, most of the Night Class and probably my roommate all cared about me. If I died I would leave them all sad, I could never to that to them! I love them!

I looked up to Kaname and saw his eyes were staring up at the ceiling, not really seeing just starring at something. I had finally made my decision, I wasn't going to die and I was going to make these people trust me again, it may take a long time but I will regain the carefree happy times that I once had.

With my new determination coursing through my veins I fell asleep, tomorrow would be a long day and I would probably have a hard time. That didn't matter right now, what mattered now was surviving.


End file.
